Okay, so lets say you're @ 40-50something, single for whatever reason and are tired of sitting at home, perusing the "Seniors Love U" match site or spending the evenings with your other single friends, complaining about the lack of anything to do at night that would be considered "respectable" for a woman our age. You may (or may not) have a fulfilling career, but you always make sure your days are filled with activities, such as going to the gym, taking a Zumba class or immersing yourself in the beauty and strength of Yoga. Activities that make you feel good about yourself.
And then suddenly, its night time. You find yourself repeating "single woman" behavior almost like a robot: cook dinner. Pour a glass of wine. Set a place for yourself at the coffee table and turn on the evening news. Sometimes, on rare occasions, you pull out all the photo albums you've collected, or the diaries you meticulously wrote in daily (like me...I always had to go to the extreme), and spend the evening reminiscing about the days when you and your friends would gather at your house, put on Purple Rain and dress to kill. Your hair was big. Leather skirt just short enough to be acceptable. Makeup flawless. You'd walk into a club and heads would turn. It was such a major rush.
So, what happened? You know you still look good--great skin, not too many wrinkles, good body...Of course you don't look like you did in those pictures, but who does? You make your mind up. Your decision is firm. You are going to call your friends and insist on a 'girls night out'. And then, that word flashes across your mind like a red neon light...Cougar. You try to dismiss it--you're not going out to pick up young drunk boys who haven't figured out yet that older women may be more experienced, but why would we waste it on a jackass? You know that going out that night is just was it is. Having fun. Doing something different. Stop from feeling old before your time. But what about the patrons of the bar...will they see you as a Cougar?
The Urban Dictionary describes Cougars as " an older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The Cougar can be anyone from an over surgically altered 'wind tunnel victim' to an absolutely sad and bloated version of her former self". In other words, she got dressed and put on her makeup without her glasses.
You hem and haw, not wanting to spend yet another boring night alone, yet afraid of embarrassing yourself by pretending to be who you aren't.
Next time, when you find yourself in this predicament, call me. My leather skirt still fits and thank God for false eyelashes! And guys? GGGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Friday, May 30, 2014
Thursday, May 29, 2014
BFF
BFF...the common acronym for Best Friends Forever, became popular I guess @ 10 yrs ago, a quick and easy way to describe someone who is the most important person in your life. BFF, like LOL, BRB, WTF, is just an abbreviation to make texting easier. In truth, the original acronym is B.F.I.T.W.W.W. --Bestest Friend In The Whole Wide World. So, its a lot longer compared to BFF, but then again, doesn't the most important person in your life deserve more that three letters?
My best friend and I met on the very first morning in 7th grade homeroom. Having a gaggle of giggling 13 yr old kids certainly didn't make seating arrangements easy for our home room teacher, who was a Science teacher and decided to take the easiest solution to this equation was to assign all of us alphabetically, two at each desk. My last name began with S, Kimberley her's started with T, Susan (I always called her Sue). She was as fair as I was Italian-dark, her strawberry blonde hair just skimming her shoulders, while mine was a short, chestnut brown. She was a classic beauty, I was some kind of combination of ethnicity that bordered between mysteriously attractive and just another WAP. But here we were, seated together for better or worse, the entire school year. I can't remember who spoke first, but it was something about which elementary school we has come from (JH consisted of several elementary school combined). We compared schedules and saw that we shared many of the same classes. For some reason, that was comforting, even though we barely knew each other.
I don't remember how we went from homeroom partners to best friends. All I do remember is that from 1977-1979 we were inseparable. Sue was my best friend of "firsts"; we learned how to wear makeup without looking like clowns (Sue could never look like a clown, she was that beautiful). We shared the same teen idol crush on Shaun Cassidy. I remember my parents surprised me with tickets to one of Shaun's concerts and bringing Sue wasn't even questioned by my parents--they just assumed that she would be there. I was screaming on the phone to Sue before my father had a chance to show me the tickets. We were barely coherent. The concert was on March 5, 1978 ( we still make some kind of reference to 3/5 to this day!). Sue and I spent the time before the concert working on a huge banner painting "YOU'RE OUR TEEN DREAM!!". My parents bought enough tickets for me to invite 2 more friends, so the banner had to be 5'-6' long and at least 4' wide for all of us to hold it. As if seeing Shaun in the flesh wasn't enough, he pointed to our banner, waved and sent one of his guards to take it at Shaun's request. Do you remember what its like to be 13 yrs and have something so extraordinary happen that you literally lost your mind? I mean, when you try to talk, you look like a gold fish sucking air? And your eyes bulge out like a "Coyote and the Roadrunner" cartoon? The only sound you're capable of making is a deafening scream. Shaun could've been singing "Ring-Around-The-Rosy" and we wouldn't have known. It was one of the greatest days of my life. I had started to 'write' a book earlier that year and was convinced it would be published--of course, it was a story about Shaun and I getting together and, of course Sue was a main character. Our 3 hr conversations consisted of shared ideas for The Book, boys we liked at school, and making fun of our Math teacher, who had a serious lisp and a major crush on Sue. We'd spend countless nights at each other's homes dancing and singing into our hairbrushes (she has an incredible voice), and enjoying our forbidden-yet sophisticated-midnight pleasure: Doritos, Pepsi and After Eight thin mint chocolate wafers. We started dating at the same time--in fact, she set me up with my first boyfriend ( the author of my very first love letter). Over night, we seemed to have grown out of losing our minds over a teen idol to acting like blooming idiots over Real Boys. Just when things were getting really good, just when Sue and I had become confident that we would always be as close as sisters, that we would always be B.F.I.T.W.W.W., my parents dropped the bombshell: My family was moving to Florida. In 2 months.
Sue and I swore on our friendship that we would always be best friends, that the only thing separating us would be a few thousand miles. And we could visit. For the first few years, we did. But, as always, life goes on. We wrote all the time. Sue met her future husband, Anthony. She'd asked me to be her Maid of Honor at their wedding, as we'd always promised each other we would be, but my family was having some serious financial problems and I couldn't go. When she had her first baby, she told her husband to make sure to call me within minutes of giving birth. I don't think I'll ever forget his voice as he told me they had a son, Sue was fine and he'd keep me posted.
I got married soon after, but it was such a disaster, I don't mention it anymore. I began my career in Retail Management that took me from Vero Beach (and Josh) to Dillard's in Orlando. I dated several men, most of whom were way over-the-top; like one guy didn't just play baseball, he was Major League; a very handsome, quirky guy who left a single rose the most unusual shade of lavender for me who was actually an honest-to-God rocket scientist. I met actors, theater directors, men who claimed to be wealthy and men who really, really were. And I worked. All the time. Even on my day off. I loved my job, wanted to learn as much as I could and was promoted from Assistant Area Sales Manager for all of Women's Wear (my boss and mentor was a woman who was the toughest boss I'd ever had, and I am forever grateful to her) to Area Sales Manager for Cosmetics, the highest Managerial position in the Store in about 3 yrs., considered a series of fast promotions With all this work, all this time, my contact with Sue became almost nonexistent.We still wrote the occasional letter, she always sent me Christmas cards with pictures of her growing family, but I let the friendship wither away. I made the excuse that we had nothing in common any more. But it didn't occur to me that not having my B.F.I.T.W.W.W. affected all my female relationships to this day. I don't have a "grown up" best friend. I have situational acquaintances, friends that I become kind of close to when we're involved in the same volunteer group, class, etc. But as soon as that situations ends, so does the friendship. I don't trust anyone very easily, but I have yet to meet a woman that I can trust at any level. Some therapists that I've gone to help me understand why I'm like this, always diagnosis me with some weird childhood experience of being left alone by one of my parents and my lack of trust began then. But I know the answer: I was forced to leave my Best Friend.
A couple of years ago, after more than 20 yrs of silence, I received an email from Susan. I was so excited, you'd have thought Shaun Cassidy himself was finally getting around to thanking us for the lovely banner. She had bridged the 2 decade of silence and I was/am Thankful to God that I can talk to her again. We've both been through events in our life that we couldn't have imagined at 14 yrs old. We both shared the same friendship issues. I was in the middle of a horrible depression and reading about anything she wrote to me was almost...a life line. She's the one who talked me (well, threatened me) into starting this blog. She doesn't know--until now--that she's truly changed my life.
Susan now has a career as a high powered exec in a quickly expanding company. Her boys are all grown (and I've never met them!). She travels extensively for work and pleasure. In short, she's one of the bravest women I know.
God is the only one who knows what direction my friendship with Susan and I will take...but it doesn't really matter...she will always be my B.F.I.T.W.W.W.
My best friend and I met on the very first morning in 7th grade homeroom. Having a gaggle of giggling 13 yr old kids certainly didn't make seating arrangements easy for our home room teacher, who was a Science teacher and decided to take the easiest solution to this equation was to assign all of us alphabetically, two at each desk. My last name began with S, Kimberley her's started with T, Susan (I always called her Sue). She was as fair as I was Italian-dark, her strawberry blonde hair just skimming her shoulders, while mine was a short, chestnut brown. She was a classic beauty, I was some kind of combination of ethnicity that bordered between mysteriously attractive and just another WAP. But here we were, seated together for better or worse, the entire school year. I can't remember who spoke first, but it was something about which elementary school we has come from (JH consisted of several elementary school combined). We compared schedules and saw that we shared many of the same classes. For some reason, that was comforting, even though we barely knew each other.
I don't remember how we went from homeroom partners to best friends. All I do remember is that from 1977-1979 we were inseparable. Sue was my best friend of "firsts"; we learned how to wear makeup without looking like clowns (Sue could never look like a clown, she was that beautiful). We shared the same teen idol crush on Shaun Cassidy. I remember my parents surprised me with tickets to one of Shaun's concerts and bringing Sue wasn't even questioned by my parents--they just assumed that she would be there. I was screaming on the phone to Sue before my father had a chance to show me the tickets. We were barely coherent. The concert was on March 5, 1978 ( we still make some kind of reference to 3/5 to this day!). Sue and I spent the time before the concert working on a huge banner painting "YOU'RE OUR TEEN DREAM!!". My parents bought enough tickets for me to invite 2 more friends, so the banner had to be 5'-6' long and at least 4' wide for all of us to hold it. As if seeing Shaun in the flesh wasn't enough, he pointed to our banner, waved and sent one of his guards to take it at Shaun's request. Do you remember what its like to be 13 yrs and have something so extraordinary happen that you literally lost your mind? I mean, when you try to talk, you look like a gold fish sucking air? And your eyes bulge out like a "Coyote and the Roadrunner" cartoon? The only sound you're capable of making is a deafening scream. Shaun could've been singing "Ring-Around-The-Rosy" and we wouldn't have known. It was one of the greatest days of my life. I had started to 'write' a book earlier that year and was convinced it would be published--of course, it was a story about Shaun and I getting together and, of course Sue was a main character. Our 3 hr conversations consisted of shared ideas for The Book, boys we liked at school, and making fun of our Math teacher, who had a serious lisp and a major crush on Sue. We'd spend countless nights at each other's homes dancing and singing into our hairbrushes (she has an incredible voice), and enjoying our forbidden-yet sophisticated-midnight pleasure: Doritos, Pepsi and After Eight thin mint chocolate wafers. We started dating at the same time--in fact, she set me up with my first boyfriend ( the author of my very first love letter). Over night, we seemed to have grown out of losing our minds over a teen idol to acting like blooming idiots over Real Boys. Just when things were getting really good, just when Sue and I had become confident that we would always be as close as sisters, that we would always be B.F.I.T.W.W.W., my parents dropped the bombshell: My family was moving to Florida. In 2 months.
Sue and I swore on our friendship that we would always be best friends, that the only thing separating us would be a few thousand miles. And we could visit. For the first few years, we did. But, as always, life goes on. We wrote all the time. Sue met her future husband, Anthony. She'd asked me to be her Maid of Honor at their wedding, as we'd always promised each other we would be, but my family was having some serious financial problems and I couldn't go. When she had her first baby, she told her husband to make sure to call me within minutes of giving birth. I don't think I'll ever forget his voice as he told me they had a son, Sue was fine and he'd keep me posted.
I got married soon after, but it was such a disaster, I don't mention it anymore. I began my career in Retail Management that took me from Vero Beach (and Josh) to Dillard's in Orlando. I dated several men, most of whom were way over-the-top; like one guy didn't just play baseball, he was Major League; a very handsome, quirky guy who left a single rose the most unusual shade of lavender for me who was actually an honest-to-God rocket scientist. I met actors, theater directors, men who claimed to be wealthy and men who really, really were. And I worked. All the time. Even on my day off. I loved my job, wanted to learn as much as I could and was promoted from Assistant Area Sales Manager for all of Women's Wear (my boss and mentor was a woman who was the toughest boss I'd ever had, and I am forever grateful to her) to Area Sales Manager for Cosmetics, the highest Managerial position in the Store in about 3 yrs., considered a series of fast promotions With all this work, all this time, my contact with Sue became almost nonexistent.We still wrote the occasional letter, she always sent me Christmas cards with pictures of her growing family, but I let the friendship wither away. I made the excuse that we had nothing in common any more. But it didn't occur to me that not having my B.F.I.T.W.W.W. affected all my female relationships to this day. I don't have a "grown up" best friend. I have situational acquaintances, friends that I become kind of close to when we're involved in the same volunteer group, class, etc. But as soon as that situations ends, so does the friendship. I don't trust anyone very easily, but I have yet to meet a woman that I can trust at any level. Some therapists that I've gone to help me understand why I'm like this, always diagnosis me with some weird childhood experience of being left alone by one of my parents and my lack of trust began then. But I know the answer: I was forced to leave my Best Friend.
A couple of years ago, after more than 20 yrs of silence, I received an email from Susan. I was so excited, you'd have thought Shaun Cassidy himself was finally getting around to thanking us for the lovely banner. She had bridged the 2 decade of silence and I was/am Thankful to God that I can talk to her again. We've both been through events in our life that we couldn't have imagined at 14 yrs old. We both shared the same friendship issues. I was in the middle of a horrible depression and reading about anything she wrote to me was almost...a life line. She's the one who talked me (well, threatened me) into starting this blog. She doesn't know--until now--that she's truly changed my life.
Susan now has a career as a high powered exec in a quickly expanding company. Her boys are all grown (and I've never met them!). She travels extensively for work and pleasure. In short, she's one of the bravest women I know.
God is the only one who knows what direction my friendship with Susan and I will take...but it doesn't really matter...she will always be my B.F.I.T.W.W.W.
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