This one's for the girls!

Alright already! So poetry isn't one of my strengths! Lets just pretend it wasn't written.

I'm working on a project (Ooooo that does make it sound important!) that takes a lot more research than I anticipated. Not that I'm complaining! Its actually been a blast going through a ton of teenage stuff and call it research. Especially when one of my two guy friends stop by and see me surrounded by a sea of magazine pictures, posters and diaries. Worst yet is that I am not the perfect hostess my mother taught me to be. Wanna drink? Something to eat? Me? Glasses are in the same place as they've always been, wine, beer is in the 'fridge and anything that doesn't have green fuzzy stuff growing on it is all your's. And I've taken a vow of chastity. Knock yourself out. Funnier still is that they get sort of jealous of my research subject.

My guys always play the age card first,    "You know, Kimmie the guy's, like, in his 70s or something."

"No, he's 56," I counter, too preoccupied to point out that my research subject is younger than both of them.

"He's gay."

"Don't think so. He's got six kids," as I scribble notes from an ancient 'Tiger Beat'.

Finally, "Why are you doing this, Kim? What, you think he's going to see this and give a shit?"

I lift my head and look them dead in the eye, " Know what? As much as I would love him to see this, it doesn't really matter. This isn't about him. Its a sort of tribute to life long friendships. Something I really don't think you understand. Now, go get your beer and watch 'Sons of Anarchy'. I'll join you in a little while," and turn my attention to the more important task at hand.

The amusing thing about this debate I have with these two men is always about this particular guy I'm writing about. They never pay attention to the millions of photos of me and my girls when we were teenagers, all caught up in makeup, clothes, hair, and teen idols. Its my life friendship with these women that are the inspirations for this project.

So let the boys clean out the questionable contents of my refrigerator, drink a few beers and yell at Jax for getting himself in yet another predicament. I'm too busy looking at pictures of the refined sophisticate, the out-of-this-world dreamer and the one who always laughed so hard, her mascara would be half way down her cheeks. They're my past and its important for me to immortalize them (and me) the only way I know how.

And now, back to my research.

Forgive Or Not Forgive?

Regardless of how we were raised, with religion or not, most of us were taught to forgive those who treated us badly. It is,by far, one of the most difficult tasks we try to understand. Ooooo, how good it felt to wish my offender to suffer a horrible case of pus-filled sores and complete baldness (yeah, I guess I've had my moments). Then, when I entered my 30's, I began to understand that my nasty "goochers" (curses) were unnecessary-- Karma would take care of my heartbreaking slights. And Karma is a bitch .But that didn't work, either .I just didn't get the concept of forgiveness.

This morning, one of my best friends, Dan Gibbs, posted a blog named "The Art Of Forgiveness". Its an incredibly insightful blog and I suggest all of you to read it (The Date Manifesto on blogspot). One of his quotes finally made forgiveness easier for all of us to understand:

     " I read somewhere that by letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for kindness, compassion and peace. Its not even necessary for the other person to ask for forgiveness, but its important for me to grant it. That is when my healing begins."

We read self help books searching for ways to forgive. We seek the opinion of others to help us understand how to overcome this disabling hurdle. Dan seemed to have summed it up in a no-nonsense paragraph.

What a wise man. It is a shame that there are women out there who didn't appreciate the person he is. But that's none of my business. He's forgiven them. And so should I.