Dr. Sigmund Freud describes the id as the most basic part of our personality. The id knows no judgement or value: no good or evil, no morality. It is regarded as "the great reservoir of the libido", the life instincts that are crucial to survival.
The Ego acts as the reality principle; i.e. it seeks to please the id's drive in realistic ways that will benefit in the long term rather than bring grief. The reality principle that operate the ego is a regulating mechanism that enables the individual to delay gratifying immediate needs and function effectively in the real world. An example would be your partner to resist the urge to screw around with that sleazy bitch at work while committed to you.
Mr. Id shouldn't be confused with a guy who lets you know from the start that he's not looking for a "relationship". I think we've all been involved in at least one situation when a man makes the "declaration of independence" while we insist that all's fair in love and war...until we admit defeat. The difference with Mr. Indie and Mr. Id is that the former is, for the most part, a genuinely nice guy. He actually enjoys women and their individual quirks. Whether you find yourself unexpectedly single in your 40s+ or have been without a long term partner for years, Mr. Indie can be a wonderful man to hang out with: there's no pressure, no game-playing and an evening with him is guaranteed fun, as long as you accept and respect the terms of the relationship.
Mr. Id, however, is an entirely different animal (usually a jackass). This is the guy who isn't particularly good looking--he's not hideous, just not...exceptional. He's often a disgruntled employee...in fact, he's usually disgruntled about everything, and whines just enough to catch the attention of a vulnerable, nurturing woman.
He begins to set his trap with lists of the indignities he's suffered through, even though he's done nothing to deserve them. He claims that his I.Q. is so incredibly high, management can't possibly understand him at work. His marriage of somewhere between 10 and 20 years has just recently ended in divorce because she didn't understand his sexual needs. In fact, the only time he's enjoyed the company of women (until now) is when he attends strip clubs or similar establishments. And the ladies employed at these choice venues appreciate his...well...rather large..."gift". But what he'd really like to do is settle down...find someone who understands him and his immeasurable I.Q. and other...characteristics. As he pleads his pitiful case, his unknowing victim nods in understanding. This poor man, she concludes, has been so mistreated, its obvious that his exaggerated personal claims are just a way of protecting his severe inferiority complex. All he needs is love and reassurance. All he needs is her.
The first few months are quite pleasant. Ms. Nurturer finds that she has quite a bit in common with Mr. Id. They share a love of Astronomy, and have read many of the same books on the subject. They enjoy photography. And his claim of being well-endowed is actually true...his performance isn't quite what she expected, but it takes time to get used to each other's...rhythm. They settle into a comfortable pattern of talking daily, seeing each other a couple of times a week, with him spending the night at her place once or twice a month. It feels...comfortable. Then, one night that they had planned to go to the movies, he calls and asks her if she would mind if they went out another night? Seems a couple of the married guys from work got permission from their wives to go out for a few beers and they wanted 'Ol Id to go along. She hides her disappointment and reassures him that its fine, to have a good time. A few weeks later, he's invited to a birthday party for one of his co-workers. She finds it a little odd that he doesn't invite her to go along, but shrugs it off as just one of those things. Then, the nights out with the guys turns into nights out with friends, and the friends are no longer from work. They begin to see each other less. He continues to go out more. His calls become vague, unless he's complaining about work. Then, on the weekend they had planned to go to the coast, he doesn't call. Ms. Nurturer calls his cell phone, leaving countless messages of confusion, worry and finally rage. Mr. Id returns her calls on Monday evening and when Ms. Nurturer demands furiously what has been going on, he replies casually that he went with some friends to a bar to see this great band. She demands to know if his "friends" were mixed company. He replies that, yes, some of his friends were girls. Shocked by his audacity, she spits out what he could do (and most likely was) with his "friends" and that she doesn't want to see him anymore. His voice is cool as he announces that he knew she didn't "get" him. She severs the connection and throws her cell phone across the room, marches to the kitchen and yanks open the refrigerator freezer and pulls out a pint of Ben & Jerry's.
The next day, she opens her Face Book page only to see she has a message from Mr. Id. She hesitates before clicking on the link to his FB page, only to be greeted by a brand new profile picture of Mr. Id along with a photo of another girl thanking him for lunch and how she was looking forward to seeing him later that evening. He agreed, commenting that he hoped they could continue the "trouble" they'd started over the weekend.
These men, these Mr. Ids, are very distinctive. Where the fun-loving Mr. Indies go above and beyond to make each and every woman in their life special, Mr. Id has absolutely no respect for women at all. Most think of females as sex objects and nothing more. An average man finds intelligence as attractive as physical beauty. Mr. Id prides himself on how many strippers he's dated. There is nothing lacking in his exaggerated confidence--this man is as transparent as he first seems. Sadly, they're also the most deceptive, because...honestly? its doesn't seem possible until the relationship ends that a...man...such as this...could possibly be so delusional to believe they're...The Gift to the Female Race.
Thankfully, Mr. Ids aren't common. But should you find yourself involved with one or just escaping the mind-boggling confusion of a relationship with a Mr. Id, I promise you: You will have a completely new appreciation for all the normal guys we took for granted before. And Mr. Indies will have a deliciously new meaning!
No comments:
Post a Comment