It had come to this.
I was living in Orlando at the time, somewhere between 1998-2003. I had a fantastic job with an upscale department store as the Department Manager for Cosmetic It was my dream job and I loved every minute of it.My younger brother,Todd, lived there as well, working successfully as an actor. Orlando actually had a very impressive, sophisticated theater district that attracted many gifted actors and directors. The Universal theme park was also an active studio, producing several television and movies. He was extremely involved in theater, as well as filming commercials, played a featured character in a TV show and was in a movie with Tom Hanks. To say that I was proud of him would be an understatement. We had always been very close, could--and had-- tell each other everything. He's gay, which was a wonderful perk, because he had beautiful taste in clothing. If not for him, I would've need "GrAnimals" to get dressed. But I digress...
It was a night Wednesday night and I was curled up on the couch, a half-empty bottle of wine on the coffee table in front of me and taking very unlady-like slurps from my wine glass. I had just suffered through yet ANOTHER crash and burn relationship that had left me so frustrated, I was beginning to feel like a defective woman. Like I didn't have the "girlfriend gene" or something. And then an idea blossomed and quickly took hold in my wine-blurred brain. I grabbed my phone and quickly called my brother.
"Todd! Ya gotta come over right now!" It was the kind of demand only an older sister can issue.
"What? Are you alright?" he asked urgently.
" Yes. No. Oh, I don't know!! Just get over here!"
While I waited for his arrival, my mind whirled with thoughts and realizations that began to make complete sense to me...
Todd must have set a world speed record to get from his apartment near downtown Orlando to mine on the outskirts of the city. I yanked the front door open while his hand was still on the brass knocker and ushered him in, grabbed his hand and pushed him down on the couch.
"What's going on? Another romance drama?" Oh, Todd knew me so well, God bless him. I snatched a wine glass from the kitchen and poured him a generous amount before topping off my own. He picked up the bottle and eyed its contents suspiciously. "Kim, how many glasses of this have you had?"
"I don't know. It doesn't matter." I dismissed his comment with a brush my hand and got right to the point. "Todd, I think I'm gay."
Have you ever seen someone so shocked, they spray whatever liquid in their mouth like Yellowstone's Old Faithful? My brother's mouthful of wine would've given the geyser some serious competition. He coughed a few times before he croaked, "You what ?"
I began to state my conclusion, " I'm 35 years old. I have yet to be involved in a serious relationship that's lasted longer than 3 years, and I was only 18."
Todd thought I was crazy. Completely out of my mind. But I stood my ground, kept insisting that if I was truly straight, wouldn't something have worked out by now? Finally, with much trepidation, he agreed to introduce me to an aspiring director he knew and we went on a double date. She was extremely interesting. She'd experienced all aspects of the theater, had directed some very intense, controversial shows and was amazingly successful. She seemed genuinely interested in my career. And she was pretty. Petite, short dark hair perfectly styled in a "bob" that was popular at the time. Her face was almost pixie-like if she didn't have the intensity of a talented, dedicated director. Anyway, we (Todd, me and our dates) had a couple of drinks at a popular gay bar, before I decided to head home. She walked me to my car, holding my hand. "Oh no, " I thought, "no, something's not right..." In two seconds, we were standing by my car. I was backed up against the driver's door and she moved in. I towered over her, and didn't think anything could possibly happen without me crouching. But then she made her move. She reached up, grabbed the back of my head, pulled my face towards her's and...BIT ME!! Took the bottom of my lip between her teeth and BIT ME like I was a piece of beef jerky!!! In fact, she drew blood! I pushed her away and jumped into my car so fast, I may have set a world record. I smelled the burning rubber of my tires screeching out of the parking lot until I was almost home.
So that, my gentle readers, is the story of the time I was gay for 5 hours. I finally came out of the closet and declared, "My name is Kim and I'm addicted to testosterone."
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